The Zoidberg Division
30) Houston Astros (23-37)
Right fielder Hunter Pence is having an outstanding year for the woeful Astros, and should make a wonderful addition to a real major league team's roster at the trade deadline.
29) Minnesota Twins (21-37)
There's really nothing to be said anymore for the woeful Twins, who can no longer hide behind the absence of Joe Mauer as an explanation for their losing ways. They are in the bottom five in the majors in almost every major offensive and pitching category. Game, set, match to Kevin Butler.
28) Chicago Cubs (23-34)
The Cubs made several moves during the off-season to make the team competitive in the wide open NL Central, and aside from Carlos Pena's Mendoza-line batting average, the team is actually hitting pretty well. But a team ERA of 4.78 is second-to-last in the league, keeping the Cubs from putting together any kind of streak to get them back to respectability.
27) Kansas City Royals (25-34)
The infusion of the Royals' excellent farm system into the big league roster has begun, and first baseman Eric Hosmer has not disappointed, hitting .300 with 5 home runs and 18 RBI in 120 at-bats.
26) Baltimore Orioles (26-31)
Ace Brian Matusz sparkled in his first start of the season after spending two months on the DL. The rest of the staff, ranked 25th in the league in ERA, has been worse than advertised.
25) San Diego Padres (27-33)
How does a team with a team ERA of 3.29 wind up with such a dismal record? By getting on base at a .297 clip and scoring just 3.3 runs per game themselves. Amazing how one big bat (Adrian Gonzalez) can change the fortunes of a team so completely.
24) Washington Nationals (26-33)
Journeyman Outfielder Laynce Nix, who had a career batting average of .243 entering the season, is hitting .305 with 9 home runs to help fill the hole left in the middle of the Nats lineup left by dissapointing free agent Jayson Werth.
The Paper Tigers
23) New York Mets (28-31)
22) Los Angeles Dodgers (28-32)
21) Chicago White Sox (28-33)
Three big market teams, three bulging payrolls, three lineups, and two above average starting rotations (the Mets, not so much). Where does that get you? A combined 12 games under .500, it seems. The Mets and Dodgers were, by most, seen as also-rans in the National League (though I certainly can't figure out why he Dodgers can't win), but the White Sox struggles are a huge disappointment for a team expected to contend for an AL Central title.
The Carlos Gomez Division
20) Oakland Athletics (27-33)Among the Oakland pitchers that have 5 or more appearances, only reliever Jerry Blevins and closer Brian Fuentes have ERA's over 4.00. On the flip side, among those who have at least 100 at bats, none of the A's have a batting average of at least .270.
19) Pittsburgh Pirates (28-30)
Starting pitcher Charlie Morton, who through 50 career starts entering the 2011 season had an ERA of 5.98, is 5-2 with an ERA of 2.52, which ranks fourth in the National League. Kevin Correia, the San Diego Padres import, is tied for the National League in wins.
Wile E. Coyote
18) Colorado Rockies (27-31)
Since surging to a National League best 17-8 in April, the Rockies have fallen off a cliff, posting a league-worst 10-23 record since. With Jorge De La Rosa lost for the year to injury, the Rockies need Ubaldo Jimenez to turn around his dismal start more than ever.
The Ho-Hum Division
17) Los Angeles Angels (30-31)
With apologies to Roy Halladay and the Phillies, the best one-two pitching staff in the league is in LA, and they continue to dazzle: Jered Weaver (2.14) and Dan Haren (2.29) rank second and fourth in the American League in ERA.
16) Toronto Blue Jays (30-29)
Jose Bautista is a legitimate threat to win a triple crown, as he currently leads the AL in batting average (.348) and home runs (20), and trails RBI leader Adrian Gonzalez by 10. Prior to this year, Bautista's career batting average was .243. And we thought last year was his breakout year.
15) Cincinnati Reds (30-30)
A rash of injuries, along with a lot of good old fashioned ineffectiveness, has left the Reds pitching staff reeling. Only two pitchers currently qualify to win the ERA title, and neither has an ERA under 5.37. Since vaulting into first place on May 17, the Reds are 5-13 and have dropped 5.5 games back of the division leading Cardinals.
The Frank the Tank Division
"We're going streaking!"
14) Tamp
The Rays have been the kings of streaking this year. After dropping eight of their first nine, they went 22-7 to break away from the AL East pack, and have now lost 14 of their last 21 to fall into a third place tie with Toronto.
13) Seattle Mariners (31-28)
The Mariners are taking the San Francisco blueprint of all-pitching, light-hitting to a whole new level. Every Seattle starter has a sub-4.00 ERA, and they've won 15 of their last 20 despite only two regulars owning an OBP of .350 or better.
12) Arizona Diamondbacks (33-27)
No team is hotter than the team in the desert, who went 15-3 to finish out the month of May after a five game losing streak dropped them into last place in the NL West on May 13.
The Windowless White Vans
11) Florida Marlins (31-26)
The Marlins have a good core of young hitters in Logan Morrison, Gaby Sanchez, Mike Stanton, Chris Coughlan and (the injured and slumping) Hanley Ramirez. If the team can start drawing more than 10,000 fans a game when they move into their new stadium next year, perhaps they'll finally be able to afford to keep two or three of them.
10) Detroit Tigers (31-27)
The Tigers appear to be the only team in the AL Central willing to try to chase down the Indians and restore order to the division race. Shortstop Jhonny Peralta is having a career year, hitting .320 with 8 home runs.
9) Atlanta Braves (32-28)
Strong pitching performances from National League ERA leader Jair Jurrjens, Tommy Hanson and the bullpen are keeping the Braves above water despite the many holes all over the lineup left by underperforming imports Dan Uggla and Nate McClouth and the criminally over-hyped Jason Heyward, whose .214 batting average is better off on the DL.
The Duck
8) Cleveland Indians (33-24)
Eventually, no matter how little sense it makes, you are what your record says you are. And so in the third month of the 2011 season, just like the defending AL Central champs are now the worst team in the league, the defending worst team in the league is now the AL Central favorite. Asdrubal Cabrera's breakout season has been a big part of the Indians rebuilding project being so far ahead of schedule. They have dropped 9 of their last 12, but that tough schedule (three against Boston, Tampa Bay and Toronto, four against Texas) would have tripped anyone up.
The Contenders
The loss of Buster Posey puts a significant dent in the Giants ability to score runs, which was already not exactly a strong suit. The famously disappointing Barry Zito has likely been Ripken'd by Ryan Vogelsong, who has a 1.68 ERA in eight starts since Zito went to the DL.
6) Milwaukee Brewers (33-26)
Newly acquired SS Josh Wilson had seven home runs in 855 career at bats before joining the Brewers. He has two in eight at bats since. Light hitting, cement-gloved Yuniesky Betancourt has been put on notice, as he is now the only legitimate hole in the lineup.
5) Boston Red Sox (33-26)
Rumors of the Red Sox demise have been grealy exaggerated. Carl Crawford is starting to hit again, lifting his average to .248 after a dismal April landed him on the bench for a couple games.
4) Texas Rangers (34-26)
Displaced designated hitter Michael Young continues to do what he does best, leading the team in batting average (.319) and doubles. Alexi Ogando is the surprise ace of the staff, posting a 6-0 record and a 2.20 ERA.
3) St. Louis Cardinals (36-25)
Which is weirder: that the Cardinals have six players with a .300 or better average, and none of them are named Albert; that the only starter on the staff that doesn't have at least five wins is Chris Carpenter, and he has only one; or that despite disappointing starts from their two biggest stars, the Cards are still 11 games over .500?
The Favorites
2) New York Yankees (33-24)
The most over-hyped athlete of my generataion, the infamous Joba Chamberlain, appears to have finally found a home in the back of the Yankees rotation. He's 2-0 with an ERA of 2.83 and has 12 holds setting things up for Mariano Rivera.
1) Philadelphia Phillies (35-24)
The Phillies biggest problem might be trying to figure out who to drop out of their rotation in a short playoff series: with three starters (Halladay, Oswalt and Hamels) owning ERA's under 3.00, Cliff Lee may be the odd man out. Let's all shed a tear.